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Chapter 11
“Natalie... Natalie...”
It was as if I were submerged in water; the calls sounded muffled, intermittent, filtering down through the surface.
Crack, snap. The distinct pops and splinters of burning wood echoed one after another.
I snapped my eyes open. All the noise cut off instantly, leaving only the pitch-black surroundings to reveal where I was.
Fumbling, I pressed the light switch on the wall. A soft, warm orange glow filled the room, gentle on the eyes. I sat up in bed—a familiar scene, another familiar night where I was jolted awake, unable to fall back asleep.
The agonizing pain that had been throbbing in my nerves suddenly subsided. Perhaps the medication I had downed before bed was finally taking effect.
Barefoot, I stepped onto the floor, my mind drifting numbly into empty space.
It was shaping up to be an ordinary night of insomnia, until a low buzz-buzz-buzz vibrating on the nightstand caught my attention.
I turned over the alarm clock beside me. The glowing green screen displayed the time: 2:00 AM.
No one would ever call at this hour.
I picked up the phone. On the lit-up screen, a name stood out in stark, glowing clarity.
Ryan.
My fingers began to tremble violently. The name flashing on the screen flickered for a few moments,likely because it had gone unanswered for too long,before the call alert stopped flashing and turned into a missed call.
Immediately after, the screen went dark.
The pitch-black phone screen acted like a mirror, reflecting my face, along with another face pressed against the top of my head, leaning down slightly.
A man’s face.
“Natalie...”
I could feel it—a cold, utterly lifeless finger pressed against my cheek.
A low, thick voice whispered in a tone as sweet and cloying as a lover’s call:
“Why did you run away?”
His palm gently cupped my chin. His eyes, a striking green, glimmered like the clearest, most translucent chrysoberyl cat’s-eyes.
“Why didn't you answer my call?”
Thick smoke billowed upward as a roaring wall of fire ignited from above, cascading down from the ceiling.
Fierce tongues of flame licked up his arm, leaping onto his face as if to devour everything in their path.
His fair skin charred in the inferno, melting away like wax to expose the raw, bright-red flesh beneath.
“Ah! Natalie! Natalie!”
He roared and shrieked in agony amidst the flames, the hand cupping my cheeks slipping away.
Those green eyes were embedded in his charred body like glistening diamonds.
He reached out, opening a blackened, branch-like hand.
“My... Natalie...”
Dazedly, I reached out my own hand, desperate to grasp that branch-like palm.
Yet the instant I squeezed, it crumbled into pieces like dry, brittle charcoal.
“Ah... Ah... AHHH!!!”
I screamed and thrust my hands out. The flames surged, swallowing him whole. Then my body plunged downward, as if falling into a bottomless abyss, and everything before my eyes turned pitch black.
I opened my eyes to the sound of the alarm clock chiming beep-beep-beep. Cold sweat had drenched my body through and through.
In a daze, I realized that it must have been a dream. I clutched my head,it was pounding with a splitting headache.
After begging the doctor to change my prescription for the third time, even the newest medication had finally lost its effect.
Swallowing every last pill left in the bottle last night had done nothing to suppress my nightmares.
The sharp, stabbing agony in my nerves grew worse by the second, as if a spiky cactus were growing inside my brain.
I tumbled out of bed and scrambled down the stairs on all fours until I reached the landline, dialing the number etched deep into my memory.
The moment a male voice answered on the other end, I opened my mouth, tears bursting from my throat in a sob so violent it rattled my chest.
“Dr. Krakow... I... I need a session. I can’t take this anymore.”
—-------
“Natalie, there are no newer medications left.” The blonde doctor pushed the glasses up the bridge of his nose with a finger. “I’ve already warned you,do not abuse your prescriptions.”
I held my head, the excruciating pain stripping away nearly all my ability to think.
“Natalie... drugs won’t fix the root problem. You know this...” Dr. Krakow sighed, tapping the tip of his fountain pen against the desk, creating a muffled tap-tap. “It’s time you told me about your past.”
I looked up. The blonde doctor had his lips pressed into a tight line.
“You’ve never spoken to me about your past. The reality is, your condition is deteriorating rapidly, and medication can no longer control it. You need to tell me the truth about the source of your depression.”
I parted my lips, desperate to evade the topic, but the waves of agony crashing over me were unbearable.
‘Agony can wear down anyone’s willpower’.
I finally understood the weight behind those words. The wall of resolve I had built over the past six months crumbled in an instant.
I couldn't control my emotions anymore; tears spilled out like a burst dam.
“I failed to answer his call... I really didn't know that would be the last phone call he’d ever make...”
Dr. Krakow’s brows furrowed deeply.
“Calm down, Natalie.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
“Ryan is dead.”
Even after six months, my voice still trembled at the sound of that name.
“Ryan? Who was he?” Dr. Krakow pressed gently.
I paused for a long moment, gathering every ounce of strength I had left to force the jammed syllables out of my throat.
“My lover.”
The moment those words left my mouth, a weight lifted from my entire body, as though a massive boulder had finally been pushed off my chest. Yet, right after, a face with brown eyes flashed across my mind.
“Did you kill him?” Dr. Krakow looked at me.
“No... I wasn't there when he died...” I lowered my head.
“The phone call you missed,was it his call for help?”
“I don't know.” My head felt as if it were about to burst, the pain spiking intensely. “We had a fight beforehand, and then I ignored his call. The next morning... Olie told me he was dead.”
“What was the fight about?”
My body shuddered.
“Ryan suddenly became terrifying. He wouldn't let me leave, so... I ran away.”
Dr. Krakow fell silent. After a long pause, he asked a question:
“He died after you ran away?”
“No...” I shook my head. “It was that night. His house caught fire, and then... I didn't pick up the phone...”
“I see.” Dr. Krakow let out a gentle sigh. “From where I stand, this was not your fault.”
“Mhm. My parents said the exact same thing.”
I lowered my head.
“You loved him very much.”
Dr. Krakow’s voice was firm, absolute.
“Yes, I loved him deeply. Which is probably why I made a mistake.”
Liz had once told me that love was the beacon guiding dead souls back to the living.
“What do you mean?”
Dr. Krakow looked at me, waiting.
“Even now, I'm no longer sure who or ‘what’ actually called back.”
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