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'Memory impairment could be caused by illnesses such as dementia or by external factors such as head injuries…'
"You're reading a very difficult book."
I was flipping through a thick book in the empty after-school library when I unexpectedly heard a woman's voice and let out a pathetic gasp.
"I am Takano. I'm the librarian here.
"You don't know me, and I don't know you either," Takano-san said, laughing again.
A high school library. It was a natural feature of the building, but until this moment, I had never used the library. That is why I had never heard of a librarian in our library until now.
"You're looking up a difficult topic like memory impairment," Takano-san said, glancing at the books piled up on the desk. Then she sat down in the seat across from me. I wondered if the librarian was someone I read books with.
As I looked around the library, Takano-san rested her elbow on the desk, and her cheek on a cane.
"It doesn't matter, there's no one here."
Her long, lightly bleached hair, though not golden, was pulled up in a high ponytail. On the chest of her plain red apron were several ballpoint pens with large characters on them.
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The image of the librarian was more subdued in my head. She had black hair, simple clothes, and a dark blue or dark green apron.
"Are you a student in the first class of the third grade?"
Ms. Takano, a librarian whose outfit was the exact opposite of mine, tapped the cover of a book with her index finger. A rhinestone glittered on her toe.
It would have been brought up at the staff meeting that Kurumi had suffered memory loss due to the accident. Ms. Takano seemed to make a connection between her and me because of that.
I wondered if memory loss caused by an accident could ever be cured…
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I did not answer Ms. Takano's question, but only opened my mouth. I guess she took that as an affirmative answer to her question. Ms. Takano traced the spines of my stack of books, including "Brain Science" and "The Mystery of Memory," with her gaze.
"If brain cells are damaged, it will be difficult," she said calmly.
My heart instantly gave out a painful shudder, as if my blood vessels had been thinned.
My mind drifted back to when Takumi, Rio and I were called by the homeroom teacher after the morning homeroom. The homeroom teacher knew that we were usually close to Walnut.
At that time, he had indeed said, "Nakata's memory impairment was caused by her brain cells.
It was caused by partial damage to the cells in her brain."
In other words, it was almost impossible for her to regain her memory.
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I bowed my head in shock at this cruel fact. I instantly lost all strength in my body.
I was so shocked that I couldn't even move my head.
Beyond the whirlpool, Ms. Takano's voice wavered.
It was as if all the blood in my body was concentrated in my temples, and only that part of my body was burning. And yet, the area around my heart felt terribly cold.
"Concentrate on breathing out," she said. "Then you will be able to inhale naturally."
Deep inside his body, a red siren flashed. While I was about to lose consciousness, I did as Takano-san said and concentrated all my attention on exhaling a thin breath.
"...Have you calmed down?"
After repeating deep breathing for a while, I was finally able to look up properly.
"Yes... sorry."
"Did you get along with the student who was in the accident?" Tanako asked.
'...Yes, I did. The four of us were always together," I replied, looking up at the ceiling.
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"I see... I'm sure it's a big shock for you then."
During the lunch break, I had looked up the accident on the Internet. Although the name of Walnut had not been revealed, the accident occurred on the day of the summer festival at 7pm. It was 7:00 p.m.
"I'm…"
"Huh?"
"It was my fault…"
Since then, a thought had been floating around in my head, forcing it to sink in.
If only I had not said what I said.
If only the three of us had gone to the summer festival.
If only I had not said what I said, then maybe Walnut wouldn't have had her accident. She might not have lost her memory.
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It was my fault.
If only I had never met her.
I didn't think that her memories would really revert back to the way they were before we met.
Riding on my own voice, the facts and speculations that came into her ears gnawed at my heart more than I could have imagined.
The mistake I had made and the disaster that had ensued. If I had only done one thing, she might not have been involved in the accident.
I can't regret it enough.
"But time does not return," Ms. Takano said quietly.
No matter how much we regret it or wish we could do it over, we cannot go back to the time that has passed. You can't change your destiny.
I let out one more long, thin breath.
What can I do now?
That's what I came here to think about.
What does memory loss mean? I thought that understanding this would lead to understanding the current Walnut.
And to reconnect the bonds between the four of us that had been broken apart by my thoughtless words and actions.
That was the best I could do now, with my regrets.
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"There will surely be miracles in your future," Takano-san said in a gentle tone.
At first glance, these words sound terribly irresponsible and like something from someone else's perspective. But the word "miracle" resonated strongly in my mind.
I wonder if I can make a miracle happen...
When I looked out the window, I saw Walnut leaving the school gate, surrounded by the girls of her class, as if they were protecting her.
Merry Christmas!🎄
Psalm 107:1
Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good,
for His steadfast love endures forever!
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